January 6th, 2021

I had an essay that I was very excited to post.
I'd even filmed it and planned to start presenting these musings as videos instead of text posts.
I was going to talk about an epiphany I had last week:
That for four years, I've had to deny myself my favorite way of waking –
I like to get up early; I like using an alarm clock;
But I like to wake up to top of the hour NPR news –
I like their soothing voices and the quick one-shot of information –
Puts me in a good headspace;
But for the last four years, that pleasure has been taken from me,
Because the first two sounds I would hear would be the name of, and the voice of, a megalomaniacal, fascist, wannabe-dictator chronically and neurologically incapable of accepting reality, condemning racism, or serving the actual and legitimate will of the American people;
But on January 21st, the US-of-A will slap the "Mute" button on this unhinged, despicable, xenophobic terrorist and I'll be able to wake up the way I like again.
It's a small thing, but I'm excited about it.
And I was excited to post a video essay all about it.
 
I shot the thing on the 5th.
 
Then on the 6th, I listened and watched in horror and disgust, overwhelmed by a sense of "I fucking told you so, you willfully ignorant, selfish garbage people."
 
And yesterday, I binge-watched Cobra Kai Season 3 to get to the other side of my hangover.
 
So, today, I'm back at my desk, but the entire world has been rocked by the evil that has been perpetrated on so much of this country, and nothing feels okay anymore.
 
Like... even LESS okay than it already felt.
 
I've spent most of my life hoping that true, cinematic-level villains couldn't ACTUALLY exist anymore, no matter how many times I was proven wrong.
 
It hasn't mattered that I understand the psychology and the neurology of how confirmation bias works. It hasn't mattered that I'm the first one to preach the notion that some people just can't be reached. I still needed to believe that there had to be a way. On some small level, there must be SOME way to trigger an awakening in ANYONE.
 
As closed-minded and violent and hateful and racist and cruel and selfish and uncaring and apathetic as so many people have always shown themselves - and will always show themselves - to be, there's still a way to get through to them, right? George really can change Mr. Potter's mind. The Jedi really can stop the destruction of Alderaan. Sensei Kreese really can be reasoned with.
 
Guess it's been the adult child of an alcoholic mind talking.
 
Because, no. I was wrong.
 
There are actual villains.
 
IRL.
 
And we need to call them what they are.
 
There is a lot of gray area in this world. There are a lot of issues up for discussion and disagreement. But what we just witnessed this week, and what we've been witnessing for the last four years, and what we've been warning y'all about since 2015, and what marginalized communities have been screaming and begging and politely asking and lobbying and organizing and protesting for for generations?
 
There is no gray here.
 
There are two sides.
 
We didn't draw the line.
 
The other side did.
 
And anyone out there who said, "Give him a chance," anyone out there who said, "It's just locker room talk," and anyone out there who said, "Lock her up," or, "Law and order," or, "There are fine people on both sides," or, "But–," or, "What about–?"...
 
Y'all are wrong.
 
Period.
 
You. Are. Wrong.
 
None of this is new. (Faction-driven hate and investment in solipsistic self-interest is as old as our species.)
 
None of this is unexpected. (The mob that assaulted the capitol were wearing T-SHIRTS THAT THEY'D PRE-MADE DECLARING "CIVIL WAR JANUARY 6, 2021.")
 
None of this is normal. (Remember when "hashtag-not-normal" was still relevant until we stopped saying it because this shit got normalized?)
 
But straight up, none of this is up for debate.
 
If you haven't picked a side yet, then yes you have.
 
And you chose poorly.
 
So, go sit in the corner. You're on indefinite time-out until you learn your lesson.
 
And you need learn it on your own time and of your own accord.
 
Class is dismissed. Y'all don't deserve the education any of us over here have been trying to give you.
 
They say that the wise teacher doesn't force the student to come in out of the rain, they wait until the student chooses to.
 
Well, keep screaming and whining in the downpour.
 
The door's been open the whole time.
 
We're done trying to drag you inside.